I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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