if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
