Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
