my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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