she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
