So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
