My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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