My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
