I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
