She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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