I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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