Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
