I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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