Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
