Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
