cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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