The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
