i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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