So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
