I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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