Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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