You're my little dorito
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
