Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
