I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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