You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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