I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
