please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
