we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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