At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
