I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
