So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
