That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
