hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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