i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
