What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
