I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
