I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
