This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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