Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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