we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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