im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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