I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
