I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
