You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
