I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
