I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Alive.
So much puke
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
