Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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