great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
