woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
