he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
