Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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