She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
